3:00 am. The world sleeps, perchance to dream. Dreams that bring content smiles. Or perhaps nightmares, causing tossing and turning. But at least dreaming. Recharging for the day ahead. Body restoring itself. Mind at rest. Healthy, rejuvenating rest. A chance to just breathe. In and out. Comfortable and safe. Secure in the knowledge that tomorrow will be a beautiful day. Waking up in a few hours. Refreshed. Looking forward to a new day, a new week, a new outlook. New ideas, new dreams, new plans, new hopes, new goals.

My 3:00 am. The loneliest hour of the day. Pain won’t let me sleep. My thoughts won’t let me sleep. Awake and alone in the dark. Tears. Guilt. Pain. Fear. No dreams, good or bad. No rest. No recharging. No restoring. More pain. Worries about tomorrow. Will I see it?! Do I want to?! No comfort, no safety. Panic. Anxiety. New day, more pain. New week, more fear and guilt. No new medicines. No new treatments. No job. No friends. No life. No money. No self-worth. My hopes, dreams, goals all on hold. No one to root for me, to cheer me on, to hold me, to tell me it’ll get better. I crave the darkness. I feel safe in the dark. No one to see what I’ve become. How far I’ve fallen. How long a trek back to who I was. Who I hope to be again someday. I fear the light of another day. And what it brings.

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