So. One of the things that I hate the most about chronic illness, is the inability to plan ahead. I try to keep to a schedule, but my body doesn’t always cooperate. I schedule my doctor appointments with the best of intentions. I need to get there. I stress the entire day before, which does nothing but make it more likely that I’ll have to postpone. Here’s some of how that inner monologue plays out. My appointment is at 11 am. I’ll have to leave home by 10:30. If I get up at 4:00am, I can take my morning migraine meds then and be okay to drive. But I get anxious and need my anxiety med. If I take that along with the migraine med, will I be able to drive safely?! By now my head is throbbing from lack of sleep and caffeine, and as I wake up more, I take inventory on what other areas hurt. I need ice on my knee and heat on my hip. I can try the TENS unit on both of those and maybe Advil. I’m nauseous from the migraine and the meds that I’ve already taken. The thought of food is not a good one. But if I take the anti inflammatory, I have to have something in my stomach. It’s now almost 7:00. Only 3 hours until I would have to leave. If I can’t make it, will they charge me? Will they dismiss me as a patient because I’ve cancelled and rescheduled so often?! Is it too late to take another anxiety pill?! Will I get sick if I eat or sicker if I don’t?! Will I be able to drive since it’s my right knee that hurts and is weak?! Can I drive with the brace on?! What if I get pulled over and the police find narcotics in my system?! What if I lose my license?! Who will take me and Mom to appointments?! I really have no one to ask since my “friends” couldn’t handle the constant complaining and canceling on them and disappeared. It’s a vicious cycle in my brain which makes the migraine worse and the anxiety stronger. I try to take charge and say to myself, “You’re going! You’ll be fine!” Then the tears start. Again, not helping the cacophony already going on in my brain. So, I’ll sit here and have inner fights with myself and try to be proactive until I either have to cancel or leave the house. It’s a toss up. Such is my life with chronic migraine and Fibromyalgia. Constant battles against myself. Hard to fight with little to no sleep. Still trying to carry on and always keep fighting! Comments and suggestions are always welcome!
2 thoughts on “Thursday Thoughts”
I suffer from migraines also (debilitating, in bed most of the day) although no where near the frequency that you do. My heart breaks knowing how much pain you are in and how often. And girl, it ain’t pity I’m feeling, just so you know. It sucks and it’s so unfair and no one gets it.
Recently I’ve come to wonder if the chemicals in the foods we eat don’t have a direct correlation to how shitty we feel. I’ve done a small amount of research but haven’t found much evidence. Yeah, there’s the typical ‘don’t have caffeine, don’t have sugar’. (I CANNOT survive without caffeine, thank you very much!). But I wonder if it goes way, WAY beyond that? I know that only vegetables have micronutrients that effect us (in a good way, of course) on a cellular level and I can only imagine that the shit (chemicals) has an adverse effect. But is it at a cellular level? I’ve started to eat ‘cleaner’ but it’s hard finding stuff without preservatives and crap. Have you heard or read anything about that?
Jeez, I just re-read this and it looks like I’m just kinda throwing my thoughts at you, sorry! I just saw your post and wanted to tell you you’re in my thoughts. I hope one day, someday soon, they find a cure for fibromyalgia.
Much respect to you, Tracy
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Thanks so much for your positive thoughts. It’s a constant battle for us, but we have to win. I’ll look further into your ideas on food and cells. It’s really interesting. Stay strong and #AlwaysKeepFighting! Much love! Judi