I have fired my psychiatrist! Smart move?! I’m not sure. Do I feel good about it?! YES! I was in crisis last week with the “demon drug” withdrawal. I was a sobbing, panic-stricken mess! I had a scheduled appointment the following afternoon and called to say I couldn’t make it. The receptionist was understanding and put me through to the “person who could help me.” I tearfully explained to this person that I couldn’t drive in my condition and had no one to bring me. She told me to hire a taxi or find a friend to get me there. This brought on more tears as I explained that I had no money or friends at this point. She replied “Well then I don’t know what to tell you!” She told me to call my insurance company and maybe they’d send an ambulance. I still owed my deductible, so that wasn’t even an option. I went on to tell her that I needed a refill on my anxiety meds. Given my current state, I assumed this wouldn’t be a problem. WRONG! No refill without an appointment. No exceptions! I was told to find a way to get there and there would be an additional $40.00 charge for a “bridge” prescription until my next appointment with the doctor. I was crying so hard I doubt she understood when I said forget it! I called my pain management doctor, spoke to his nurse, and a prescription was called in to my pharmacy. Compassion, empathy, common decency, that’s all I wanted. I understand office policy and procedures, but each case is different. They can’t be so rigid as so not to bend for special circumstances.  And to top it all off, they billed me $40.00 for a missed appointment! So I’m searching for a new psychiatrist. Fingers crossed! Better days ahead!

So yesterday I finally decided to venture out from these 4 plus walls I’ve been hiding within. I’d been out for mandatory doctor appointments for Mom and myself, but not just for the sake of being out in a long time. The trip started out fine. My daily migraine was at about a three, which for me is not bad. We arrived at the first store and were immediately bombarded by a cacophony of bells, buzzers, intercoms, flashing lights, screaming adults, crying babies, perfumes, colognes, cleaning products, body odors, and too many others to list. I tried my hardest, but less than halfway through, I gave up. After retreating to relative safety of my car, I broke down. I cried for the loss of the “normal” woman who used to go wherever she wanted without any advance planning. She didn’t pack a “migraine emergency kit” or check the weather before leaving the house. Her purse didn’t rattle with pills when she walked. She held her head up high, stared up at the sun and was thankful for a beautiful, cloudless day. She talked to strangers just to meet people and make conversation. She was “normal!” Migraine me hides in the dark, keeps her head down while out to avoid lights, cringes like she’s been shot from noises, covers her nose from smells, doesn’t interact with others because they may be wearing perfume or cologne. She is often teary and frowning. Her pain shows on her face and in her body language. She is not the “me” that I want to be.

I realized it’s been 8 months since I reapplied for Social Security Disability Insurance for the second time. I did it myself the first time and was denied. I reapplied with new information and was denied once again. I hired a lawyer and have been waiting for 8 months now. In Virginia, there is a 12-18 mos wait for an Appeal Hearing in front of a judge. 8 months! 8 months with no source of income because until SSDI is approved, I am not eligible for any state or government assistance (Medicaid, etc.) If approved, I am then eligible for both benefits. But what about now?! For the past almost 4 years I’ve been fighting this ridiculous system! I’m sure it’s jammed with false claims and scammers, but it’s affecting me, and that hurts! I worked for almost 30 years full-time until I had to stop for medical reasons. I was always a loyal employee and loved my jobs. They were not only a means of financial support, but a reason to get up in the morning, to interact with other people, to learn new things, and to be a part of something larger than myself. I would give anything to be able to work again! If nothing else, to get out of this house and ease my rut of depression and anxiety. Having a purpose so I don’t feel so useless and worthless. But my body won’t allow it. I try to get ready to go out and am inundated with symptoms too many to list. Occasionally, my demons let me out for a few pain-free hours of doctor appointments or picking up prescriptions, but rarely to have lunch with one of the few friends that haven’t left me, or to a museum to enjoy the art without perfume, noise, and lights driving me back into the safety of my home. I know that winning my case and getting my benefits isn’t a cure-all, but the relief from my financial burden will ease my depression, anxiety, and panic attacks immensely! Then I can concentrate solely on finding relief and proper treatment for the RA, Fibro, and chronic daily migraines. Fingers crossed. Breath held. Better days ahead.

My depression has me in it’s grip right now. It’s like I’m on the outside looking in. I see a terrified woman curled up in a ball, sobbing uncontrollably. She’s in a dark room with no door. No windows. No way out! Trying so hard to catch a breath or form a thought. How long has she been in there?! Can’t anyone see or hear her?! Where are her family and friends?! Do they even know she’s there?! She’s not loud. It’s like she’s trying to hide the pain and anguish. Trying to make herself as small as possible. What could make her so scared, so sad, so utterly alone?! I can feel her hopelessness, her loneliness, her complete agony and fear. I don’t see any blood or broken bones. Where is she hurt?! There’s nothing visible. It must all be on the inside. How much pain and suffering suffering must a body have endured to become this! This poor woman in the dark. I pray she makes it back into the light.

Many websites document Cymbalta withdrawal trauma 

anecdotally (1,000’s of Entries)

• What Winners Do:

– http://www.whatwinnersdo.com/severe-cymbalta-withdrawal-symptoms/

• Cymbaltawithdrawal.com

– http://www.cymbaltawithdrawal.com/

• Depressionforums:

– http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/Cymbalta-Withdrawal-It-s-Pretty-

t13148.html

• Point of Return:

– http://www.labelmesane.com/cymbalta_withdrawal.html

– Third party withdrawal assistance

• Why should a consumer need to pay to discontinue?

• Depression Hurts, Cymbalta Hurts More!

– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeq4gSfMXdo

• Youtube video

• Concise (2:30) description of the trauma and its effects

• Cafepharma:

– http://www.cafepharma.com/boards/showthread.php?t=207484

– (Not Lily sponsored) drug rep page – The reps are aware of the issue

• If the reps know, why don’t the physicians know?

My personal symptoms include, but are not limited to: brain electrical volts, hot flashes, cold flashes, extreme sweating, motion sickness, nausea, increased appetite, spontaneous crying and/or laughing, moments of anger, tiredness, fatigue, blurred vision, nightmares, insomnia, agitation, restlessness, vertigo, stumbling, loss of coordination, falls, uncontrolled limb twitching and jerking, tremor, shaking, panic attacks, thoughts of self harm and many more. 

Patients are not informed by their doctors because the doctors weren’t informed by the pharmaceutical reps, who, in turn, were not informed by the drug manufacturer Eli Lilly. Why is Eli Lilly not being held responsible for their silence on the effects of withdrawal from this horrific drug. The side effects and difficulty of stopping are not included in the patient information packet included with the drug. Eli Lilly’s advice to patients is to continue or even increase the dose of Cymbalta if they are experiencing issues. This way the patient continues to pay for the drug that they cannot break away from, and Lilly continues to make millions of dollars from those of us in chronic pain. 

As it posted previously, I was given Cymbalta by my psychiatrist for severe depression and anxiety due to chronic pain. I specifically asked about side effects (as I always do) and was told there weren’t any serious ones. I told him I’d Google (again, as I always do) and was advised against it. For some unknown reason, probably because I was desperate for relief and knew wouldn’t take it if I read about it in advance, I didn’t do my usual research before starting this drug. If only I knew then what I know now! Below are just some of the most common side effects of Cymbalta Discontinuation Syndrome . 

General Body

Dry Mouth – Less moisture in the mouth than is usual. Cymbalta withdrawal

Sweating Increased – A large quantity of perspiration that is medically caused. Cymbalta withdrawal

Allergy – Extreme sensitivity of body tissues triggered by substances in the air, drugs, or foods causing a variety of reactions such as sneezing, itching, asthma, hay fever, skin rashes, nausea and/or vomiting. Cymbalta withdrawal

Asthenia – A physically weak condition. Cymbalta withdrawal

Chest Pains – Severe discomfort in the chest caused by not enough oxygen going to the heart because of narrowing of the blood vessels or spasms. Cymbalta withdrawal

Chills – Appearing pale while cold and shivering; sometimes with a fever. Cymbalta withdrawal

Edema of Extremities – Abnormal swelling of the body’s tissue caused by the collection of fluid.Cymbalta withdrawal

Fall – To suddenly lose your normal standing upright position. Cymbalta withdrawal

Fatigue – Loss of normal strength so as to not be able to do the usual physical and mental activities. Cymbalta withdrawal

Fever – Abnormally high body temperature, the normal being 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit or 37 degrees Centigrade in humans. Fever is a symptom of disease or disorder in the body. The body is affected by feeling hot, chilled, sweaty, weak and exhausted. If the fever goes too high, or lasts too long, death can result. Cymbalta withdrawal

Hot Flashes – Brief, abnormal enlargement of the blood vessels that causes a sudden heat sensation over the entire body. Women in menopause will sometimes experience this. Cymbalta withdrawal

Influenza (Flu)-like Symptoms – Demonstrating irritation of the respiratory tract (organs of breathing) such as a cold, sudden fever, aches and pains, as well as feeling weak and seeking bed rest, which is similar to having the flu. Cymbalta withdrawal

Leg Pain – A hurtful sensation in the legs that is caused by excessive stimulation of the nerve endings in the legs and results in extreme discomfort. Cymbalta withdrawal

Malaise – The somewhat unclear feeling of discomfort you get when you start to feel sick.Cymbalta withdrawal

Pain in Limb – Sudden, sharp, and uncontrolled leg or arm discomfort. Cymbalta withdrawal

Syncope – A short period of light-headedness or unconsciousness (black-out) also known as fainting, caused by lack of oxygen to the brain because of an interruption in blood flow to the brain. Cymbalta withdrawal

Tightness of Chest – Mild or sharp discomfort, tightness or pressure in the chest area (anywhere between the throat and belly). The causes can be mild or seriously life-threatening because they include the heart, lungs and surrounding muscles. Cymbalta withdrawal

After meeting and discussing my current situation (worsening depression, anxiety, and panic attacks) with my new psychiatrist (prescription writer) last year, he prescribed Abilify to add to the Prozac, which I had taken successfully for over twenty years. Prozac by itself didn’t seem to be enough to handle my worsening situation. I was having sporadic crying bouts and didn’t want to leave the house. After Googling “Abilify side effects” I made the decision not to try it. Dr. Psych next suggested Elavil, which I had taken in the past. I am not in agreement that I should have to take one antidepressant to bolster the effectiveness of another, but that seems to be the way of the psych world. (And a huge boost for pharmaceutical companies as well!) But that’s a discussion in itself! The Elavil caused side effects that were not pleasant and I had started on the lowest dose. I discontinued the Elavil. Next up was stopping Prozac and starting Cymbalta. I asked about side effects and Dr. Psych said to stop Googling so much. For the very first time, I didn’t do extreme research  on a drug. Most likely because I was feeling so desperate, depressed, hopeless, and was definitely not myself. I was directed to stop the Prozac immediately and start the Cymbalta at 60 mg. for about one month. I didn’t notice any changes. Dr. P. upped dose to 120 mg. Still no noticeable change with pain relief, but the nausea, cramping, body aches, fatigue, and insomnia were worse.
After speaking with my pain management doctor, we agreed that the Cymbalta was not doing anything for my pain levels and I was having pretty bad side effects. Dr. Pain wanted me to stop the Cymbalta after telling me that there are no studies showing that taking more than 60mg. has any more effect than the highest recommended dose of 60 mg. I was, as I stated earlier, taking 120mg per Dr. Psych. I was told to taper off the Cymbalta and given a strict schedule to follow. I am having a horrific time tapering off the Cymbalta. I wish I had read the warnings before starting it. I never would have started. I know my body and my tolerance and what side effects are likely to affect me. I did my research after the fact and now know it is very difficult to taper and dangerous to just stop cold turkey. All kinds of withdrawal side effects. People have been hospitalized to for withdrawal. I feel rotten. New leg and calf pain that wakes me up to where I have to walk around half the night, worsened insomnia, falling asleep without warning, convoluted thought processes, uncontrollable kicking and jerking, etc. I really could have done without this. Only 1-1/2 weeks into 9 week taper. Scared, but determined. I want this drug out of my body. I want to try the Prozac again at a higher dose. As always, please share and donate if able. Every dollar matters. Bless y’all for your caring and support! http://www.youcaring.com/AlwaysKeepFighting

Sorry for the silence, but have been hit once again with life-changing news. In the process of collecting doctor’s notes, diagnosis codes, and blood work results for my Disability Appeal Hearing, my lawyers asked me if I remembered being given a positive diagnosis for rheumatoid arthritis in 2008. I must have been in complete denial at the time, because I honestly had forgotten the doctor and the visit and I never went back. But what would you do if given a diagnosis of a debilitating, degenerative, incurable disease in your early 40’s?! I went on to consult with other doctors where I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia by my rheumatologist and chronic migraine by my neurologist/headache specialist. Now I must deal with a third chronic illness and it’s treatment and finding a medication that works and doesn’t kill me with side effects. Better days ahead?! I’m having doubts right now!

http://www.youcaring.com/AlwaysKeepFighting