My Trip to Target (Hell)

So yesterday I finally decided to venture out from these 4 plus walls I’ve been hiding within. I’d been out for mandatory doctor appointments for Mom and myself, but not just for the sake of being out in a long time. The trip started out fine. My daily migraine was at about a three, which for me is not bad. We arrived at the first store and were immediately bombarded by a cacophony of bells, buzzers, intercoms, flashing lights, screaming adults, crying babies, perfumes, colognes, cleaning products, body odors, and too many others to list. I tried my hardest, but less than halfway through, I gave up. After retreating to relative safety of my car, I broke down. I cried for the loss of the “normal” woman who used to go wherever she wanted without any advance planning. She didn’t pack a “migraine emergency kit” or check the weather before leaving the house. Her purse didn’t rattle with pills when she walked. She held her head up high, stared up at the sun and was thankful for a beautiful, cloudless day. She talked to strangers just to meet people and make conversation. She was “normal!” Migraine me hides in the dark, keeps her head down while out to avoid lights, cringes like she’s been shot from noises, covers her nose from smells, doesn’t interact with others because they may be wearing perfume or cologne. She is often teary and frowning. Her pain shows on her face and in her body language. She is not the “me” that I want to be.

One thought on “My Trip to Target (Hell)

  1. You have to look beyond that. Who is she? She’s not all those things she used to be, okay. Who is she now? What does she like to do? I know migraines limit the fuck out of our lives, but we have to seize on the small things. I love to draw, and being housebound, I’m really good at it now. I love to read, I’m blogging. I’m looking at all the free online courses and thinking about psychology classes. I’m never going to be who I was, but I have to embrace who I’ve become.

    Liked by 1 person

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