I realized it’s been 8 months since I reapplied for Social Security Disability Insurance for the second time. I did it myself the first time and was denied. I reapplied with new information and was denied once again. I hired a lawyer and have been waiting for 8 months now. In Virginia, there is a 12-18 mos wait for an Appeal Hearing in front of a judge. 8 months! 8 months with no source of income because until SSDI is approved, I am not eligible for any state or government assistance (Medicaid, etc.) If approved, I am then eligible for both benefits. But what about now?! For the past almost 4 years I’ve been fighting this ridiculous system! I’m sure it’s jammed with false claims and scammers, but it’s affecting me, and that hurts! I worked for almost 30 years full-time until I had to stop for medical reasons. I was always a loyal employee and loved my jobs. They were not only a means of financial support, but a reason to get up in the morning, to interact with other people, to learn new things, and to be a part of something larger than myself. I would give anything to be able to work again! If nothing else, to get out of this house and ease my rut of depression and anxiety. Having a purpose so I don’t feel so useless and worthless. But my body won’t allow it. I try to get ready to go out and am inundated with symptoms too many to list. Occasionally, my demons let me out for a few pain-free hours of doctor appointments or picking up prescriptions, but rarely to have lunch with one of the few friends that haven’t left me, or to a museum to enjoy the art without perfume, noise, and lights driving me back into the safety of my home. I know that winning my case and getting my benefits isn’t a cure-all, but the relief from my financial burden will ease my depression, anxiety, and panic attacks immensely! Then I can concentrate solely on finding relief and proper treatment for the RA, Fibro, and chronic daily migraines. Fingers crossed. Breath held. Better days ahead.