Sunday Morning

wp-1472456628575.jpegSo. Long time, no type. It’s been rough lately. A lot of things going on. Pain levels are high. Stress and anxiety levels are high. I wish I was high. Just kidding. Sort of…..

My pain doc thinks I’d be a perfect candidate for Medical Marijuana, but unfortunately it’s not legal here yet and not likely to be anytime soon. I’ve heard such positive feedback from so many chronic pain warriors out there with their experiences. To me it’s a no-brainer. As with any type of treatment, if the benefits outweigh the risks, try it. What’s to lose?

But until that happens, I’m stuck in limbo. Between severe, daily, chronic pain and failed treatments and deeper depression. I hate it here. Some have had amazing results from the new CGRP meds. I’ve tried two of them and sadly had to discontinue. One had bad side effects, the other gave me no relief. I’m trying to stay positive. There are a few left to try, but it’s a huge disappointment. I had put all of my hopes for a better future into these meds, knowing it could be years, even decades, before the next breakthrough in migraine treatment would be released. The fact that these were the first meds in decades to specifically target migraine disease had me SO hopeful.

The letdown was enormous and persists still today. Months later I’m still grieving the fact that I wasn’t one of the lucky ones. I question “why not me?” What did I do wrong to be made to suffer endlessly. Not even a little relief, a few pain-free days, hours, minutes….

But I’ll keep going because what choice do I have? My only alternative is to give up, drown in my pain, and fall into an even darker place in my own head. If that’s even possible. I’ll continue to fight as long as I’m able, and cheer for those lucky ones. The ones who get to finally see the light at the end of this nightmare-filled tunnel. And hope that one day I’ll be the lucky one and see my own light once more.

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