Thursday Things

So. 3:00 a.m. again. I’m beyond tired. My thoughts are scrambled. I’m staggering around the house. Searching for clothes, coffee, cat, heating pad, tablet, pain meds, crackers, TENS unit, and my chair. My beloved chair. When the pain gets too bad to stay in bed, I have my chair. Painsomnia. I didn’t even know this word a few years ago. The pain won’t let me sleep for a rejuvenating amount of time. So I’m never fully rested. Always tired during the day. Wide awake at night. Mind full of thoughts, fears, worries, panic, worst case scenarios, etc. When I finally pass out in my chair, it’s only for a few minutes at a time. I try to go to bed, but migraine symptoms, back spasms, hip and knee pain won’t allow it. I’m not in charge of my body or my mind anymore. My demons have taken over. They decide what will hurt, to what degree, for how long, and when I finally get a break. Even a half an hour of real sleep and I’m in their debt. I have to find a way to wrestle myself out of their grip and take back my life! It’s mine to live, dammit! No one else’s! Right now, I’m at their mercy. Hopefully, the pain meds will kick in, the pain and worry will recede, and I’ll be strong enough to fight. Be strong fellow warriors! Ours is a long and arduous battle. Carry on and always keep fighting! Much love! 💕



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