I Wish I’d Known

Sarah Hackley, The Migraine Chronicles

http://www.themigrainechronicles.com

Sarah Hackley is an author, poet, bestselling editor, ghostwriter, and writing coach based in the Austin area. She is the author of “Finding Happiness with Migraines: A Do It Yourself Guide” and the Amazon women’s poetry bestseller “The Things We Lose.” She’s also appeared in numerous anthologies and magazines, including the “Women Awakening Anthology,” “The Bridges of America: Homeless Poetry Anthology,” and Creative Nonfiction magazine. “Preparing to Fly,” her finance book for women wishing to leave abusive partners, is scheduled for release in 2015. She is currently at work on her first novel.

An Open Letter to My Pre-Migraine Self #migraine #chronicillness
You are about to go through hell. In more ways than one.

You are going to spend your days in bed, squeezing your eyes together in pain because even the covers hurt. You are going to be too dizzy to stand, too nauseated to eat.

You are going to take pills that prevent you from eating. You are going to take pills that cause you to eat. You are going to lose too much weight. You are going to gain weight. You are going to drink too much. You are not going to be able to drink at all.

You are going to see pink dots circle around each other on your ceiling, pulsing in time to your heartbeat. You are going to experience moments when you feel larger than the houses you are driving past.

You are going to doubt your sanity.

You are going to get shots in the nerves of your neck, and feel more agony than you could have ever imagined.

You are going to lose your confidence in yourself.

You are going to lose yourself.

You are going to get depressed and anxious. You are going to wonder if you can take it, if living like this is worth it.

Let me tell you this: It is.

Yes, you are going to suffer. Yes, you are going to run up against the edges of what you can take, emotionally, physically, mentally. But, guess what? You are going to arise stronger, more authentically you.

Don’t get me wrong; this is going to take time. But, it will happen. Trust me. So, don’t worry about the future. Instead, do me a favor:

Go dancing, all night. To loud, thumping music that makes you throw back your head in laughter and delight.

Stay up until 3 a.m. talking and making love. Do it again the next day. And, the next.

Find out when all your favorite bands will be in town, and go see them. Stand near the front, where the smokers and dancers are, with a large pint of beer in your hand and a smile on your face.

Run, as fast and as far as you want to. Take hours-long walks in the summer sun. Spend all day hiking by the creek, and swimming at Barton Springs.

Take overnight trips to exotic destinations. Carry nothing but a small purse with you.

Eat bowl after bowl of queso, and slice after slice of four-cheese pizza. Eat as much of your favorite foods as you like.

Read all night long, even if you have to get up early to work.

Do these things.

Trust me. Do these things now, while you can, so you can enjoy the memories you make when you can do them no longer.

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