Days Go By

I never realized how important routine and structure is in my daily life. That is, until I was without it. I’ve always either been in school or worked since I was a teenager. I had a reason to get up in the morning, a purpose, a goal, a means to an end. I’ve never been a “morning person”, but I’d always get up when the alarm went off. I worked jobs that I loved, jobs that I liked, jobs that I tolerated, and even jobs that I hated. They were all stepping stones in my path to where I thought I’d wind up in the future. I learned something from every job; some good things, some brilliant things, what to do, what not to do, and some things I’ll use for the rest of my life. Some things I incorporated into my personal life. Ethics, loyalty, reliability, punctuality, responsibility, and many others. Since my various illnesses caused me to leave my last job, I’ve been unable to return to the working world. I want to, I feel I have to, I just can’t, physically or emotionally right now. And that’s where the big problem comes in. Besides needing the income, the benefits, the “daily grind”, etc., I need the people contact. I crave it! I do not do well alone. I never have. I get too deep into my own head and that’s terrifying for me. I need to be around people and feel needed and have a sense of purpose. I need a routine and structure like some people need drugs. I feel lost and alone and empty. My days blend into one another until I don’t know if it’s day or night, weekday or weekend. I hate living in limbo like this. I need to find proper treatment, relief, a cure. I miss my life! It’s going on without me since time doesn’t stand still. I’m sad for the missed days, months, years, I’ll never get back. I don’t want to lose anymore time. Please help! wpid-wp-1432820304823.jpeg

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