I felt like I was giving up. I had always imagined pain management as the introduction to a life of drugs, addiction, disability, and loss of self. I was well aware that I was suffering from depression (whether chemical or situational) and anxiety and panic attacks. The main cause being, surprisingly not the constant pain, but the fear of not having my job. I needed structure in my life desperately, and without it, I was struggling you stay calm and not panic. At this time, I was taking only Fiorinal, which I knew caused rebound headaches, but it was all my GP would give me. I knew I needed answers and treatment, but was still afraid of powerful medications. I had externed at college for a Pain Management Practice about 10 months prior. Ironic much?! 🙂 I saw the patients hobbling in, bent and twisted, in wheelchairs and on walkers, huddled in chairs in pain. Crying, frustrated, depressed, not caring about appearance or much of anything except cost of visit and will it hurt. Could I really be this bad myself?! Looking inward is always hard. I did see myself in their faces and medical histories. How had this happened to me?! I was fine just 2 years ago. How could anyone spiral downward so fast and so hard?! I knew I had to make myself go at least for a consult. I was terrified what I’d find out!