Nighttime Thoughts

I’m going to be 50 years old in August. I had to re-read that sentence several times. 50?! When the hell did that happen?! I don’t feel 50. Well, not emotionally. I still mentally feel like I’m in my 20’s much of the time. I’ve blocked out a lot of bad times early in my pre-teen and teen years and maybe that’s part of it. I had undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and panic disorder. It took years to find the right Doctor and medication combination to make me able to function. The medication started working almost overnight. My therapy sessions with my psychiatrist took longer. He was amazing! Nothing like previous doctors that said I was lazy, looking for attention, trying to avoid school, etc. Dr. P. understood what was behind my actions and helped me deal with them. He was my hero! I began to feel more positive, more outgoing, willing to take chances, and get a job. I always thought it was just dumb luck that we were brought together, but recently I’m changing my opinion on that. I am a true believer in fate. And I now believe that this doctor and I were destined to meet. I owe him so much. He got me through my darkest times and made me a stronger, better person. I haven’t seen him in about 25 years, but he has left a lasting impression on me. I still hear his voice during pain attacks, telling me to remember my deep breathing exercises. And I do. And they work. Before making major decisions, I try to think what would Dr. P. advise?! Obviously, he will always be with me in some sense, and that alone makes me feel better! Thank you Dr. Phillips! You’re still my hero! Please help if possible. Thank y’all for your love and support!

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