Here I am again. 3:30 am. Typing about my feelings. Wanting so badly to be asleep. Deep, restorative sleep. No dreams sleep. Reassuring sleep. Rejuvenating sleep. But sleep is becoming a dream in itself. Short, light sleep is what I get. If I go too deep into REM, the nightmares come. I don’t remember them as a whole. Just bits and pieces. They’re dark, scary, fraught with anxiety and panic. Clawing at the light. Begging to wake up. And I do. And it all starts again. A cycle of pain, fear, sleep, wake, dream, flashes of memory, dark, light. Too afraid to fall asleep, too exhausted not to. Endless circles of day and night blending together. Dawn is my time to think, type, try to put down into words what is happening to me. Not to scare others, not to scare myself. But to seek out those who feel as I do. For reassurance. For comfort. For ideas. Suggestions. To know I’m not alone. Because at 3:00 am, I  feel alone. #AlwaysKeepFighting