So, this morning I said to Mom, “I feel so much better about the Hearing. I’ve finally realized that I have done all I can to make it a positive outcome.” And I had. I did my research, sent all of my findings to my law firm, confirmed with SSDI that I would be there on Thursday, and spoken with my lawyer. It was out of my hands. All I could do now was stay in this new positive frame of mind and show up to the Hearing.

Then the phone rang. My law firm contact told me that they hadn’t received my medical records from Dr. Pain or Dr. Panic yet. They were requested back in August and September. When called that morning by the law firm, Dr. Panic’s office insisted that I was not a patient of theirs. Needless to say, but I will anyway, I lost it! I asked what that meant for my case if the records weren’t received in time. I was told the Hearing would go on, but the record would stay open until subpoenas were issued and my records were received by the Judge. This meant a decision could be delayed even longer. I broke down and couldn’t stop crying. I was angry, upset, scared, panicked, and beyond speech. So much for my positive mindframe. Gone! Just like that! I’m so fragile right now. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge all of the time. Anticipatory anxiety. My lawyer assured me they would take care of the issue of the medical records and for me to leave it to them. That is what they are getting paid for, but it’s hard to give up control and leave it in their hands. I feel like I haven’t done all I can. So I’m stressed once again. It’s going to be a long week. Please send positive thoughts and vibes my way! Better days ahead.