Saturdaydreaming

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Guilt. So much guilt. Eating away at me. Crushing me body and soul. Always there. Drowning in it. Knowing my illnesses are beyond my control, but feeling guilty anyway. I didn’t ask for this life of pain. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I don’t deserve it. I don’t want it. But I’m stuck with it. Yet I’m always apologizing. For not being able to do simple things. Missing appointments, cancelling plans, avoiding making plans. Not being able to work. Not being a productive member of society. Unable to contribute. Worthless, lonely, and so, so guilty.

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