Step Into My Shoes

wpid-fb_img_1422635977059.jpgI’m not a cruel person. I don’t wish harm or pain on anyone. I am empathetic and compassionate. I value health and happiness above all else. I want that for everyone. Myself included. In my case, the health part has hit a snag. I have Chronic Daily Migraine, chronic pain, and Fibromyalgia. Most mornings, after little or no sleep the night before, I struggle to get out of bed. Some mornings I’m successful,, others not so much. I take pills when I get up, more at lunchtime, midday, dinnertime, and before bed. Rough nights, I may need something overnight. These pills are my only option right now to allow me to function. Depending on your idea of functioning. Most days I can’t leave the house. If I must, you know, it’s doctor appointments for me or Mom or vet visit for my emotional support furbaby Samantha. Pharmacy and grocery store are my other fun outings. I have to plan a day in advance to try to leave the house. Depending on the time of day, my pain level, when I took pills, side effects, weather, and many other outside forces that impact my ability to drive or even walk. I’m in Pain Management and my doctor assures me even though we haven’t exhausted all options yet, even with treatment, I’ll still likely be dependent on pills to get through the days. I have many doubters. I know I do. “It can’t be that bad.” “It’s just a headache.” “I’m sure you could work if you really tried.” “Be stronger and fight harder.” I’m the nicest person you’ll meet. Like ever. But I want to knock these naysayers and deniers on their collective asses! If they could only see my daily struggle to act normal. To do normal activities. To BE normal! And these comments are from colleagues and “friends.” Now I’ve got the government and CDC getting involved and lumping me in with drugs abusers and addicts. Trying to take away my access to the legal, prescribed pills that are my only source of relief right now. I resent the implications that I am a poverty stricken, low class criminal. I am without a job and unfit to work due to my medical and emotional issues (the emotional comorbid to the medical). I have never committed a crime and have worked full-time since I was seventeen years old. I EARNED my benefits. I am relying on Medicare and Social Security to LIVE or at least get by. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before they try to take that away too. BTW, I had to fight for almost five full years to be awarded those Benefits, none of which I’ve actually seen yet. I won my Disability appeal hearing in October and still have seen no monetary payments. So, in conclusion, for now, the fact that strangers (laymen, NOT doctors) are going to decide if I can keep taking my prescribed pain medications is beyond insulting. I wish they could all spend a day with me or better yet, take even a few steps in my shoes. (If I can bend down to put them on.)

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