Saturdaydreaming

So. Another week gone. I accomplished some of what I had planned. Others, not so much. But it’s okay. I need to give myself a break. I’m harder on myself than anyone else. Guilt, pride, stubbornness. Whatever. When I can’t do something, I get angry at myself. I should have pushed more, tried harder. But I’m slowly (think turtle pace) learning to take it easier on myself. Do what I can and be at peace. Not beat up on myself because my body won’t let me complete a task. 90% of the time my body is in charge, not my brain. This illness, disease, syndrome, whatever you want to call it, is in control. I feel like I’ve become two separate entities. There’s me. Then there’s my demon (as I refer to my illness). We have to share a body, but I still have control of my mind. When the demon says, “You can’t do that!”, it’s up to my brain to say, “I can try!” Sometimes it works, others it doesn’t. But I have free will. I can make my own decisions and I have options. Whether my body goes along with them is another story. I’m working really hard to not feel guilty or like I’ve let anyone down if I can’t complete a task or have to cancel plans. It only adds more stress and anxiety to my already overloaded system. I’m a work in progress as I feel we all are. I’m taking it day by day. Doing what I’m able and learning to forgive myself for

what I can’t. That’s all any of us can really do anyway. Carry on chronic pain warriors. And always keep fighting! 💕

good

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s