Thoughts On Therapy

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So. I am between psychologists at the moment. I didn’t think I really needed to talk to anyone regularly. I know that my depression and anxiety is situational and comorbid to my chronic migraines and Fibromyalgia. Or, in normal speak, I’m sad and scared. I take meds for this and thought that was enough. I went for over four years with these illnesses without professional counseling. It wasn’t until I began going that I realized how many emotions were swimming around in my head. At my first visit, I was bawling like a baby fifteen minutes into the session. Crying like that may be healing and cathartic, but it’s hell on a migraine sufferer. As I told my tale of chronic pain, doctors, tests, failed medications and treatments, insomnia, and the ensuing depression and stress, I realized how much I had been holding in. I hadn’t really spoken in depth to my Mom because I didn’t want to upset her. My friends had been dropping off due to cancelled plans and other unknown reasons. So I really hadn’t opened up to anyone to this extent in a long time or at all really. The therapist listened, let me ramble on and cry some more. Then she talked about how normal my feelings were due to my circumstances. How anyone would be depressed, even with meds, if they were in near constant pain, not sleeping, and not knowing how to handle it all. The relief at having someone, who didn’t know me from Adam, validate my pain and suffering was overwhelming. I didn’t think I needed to hear these things from an outside perspective, but obviously I did. She reinforced that I was not alone in my feelings. That my pain was real. That my depression and anxiety were warranted. So many things in my life were out of my control, and I was lost. I had been so overwhelmed with fear about my inability to work, my finances (or lack thereof), not finding a working treatment for my pain, etc. As a result, I couldn’t sleep, I was crying uncontrollably, my depression increased, and my hope was gone. My therapist gave me exercises to relieve stress, biofeedback techniques, tips to put in motion a workable plan to get help from Social Services and other resources. The most crucial thing I took away from my sessions was to stop thinking in worst case scenario mindset. To have a plan B if A failed, and a plan C if B failed and so on. I am currently looking for a new therapist due to distance problems. I know I need the advice, ideas, input from a professional. I’m not ashamed to admit it either. My hope for my fellow chronic pain warriors is that you aren’t either. Carry on and always keep fighting! 💕

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